Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
