Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
