i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
