i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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