My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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