haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Mom said you looked used
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
