i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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