Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need a beard to bite.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
