I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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