I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
