im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
