"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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