Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Someone signed my nipple.
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