weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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