that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
