happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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