All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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