is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
