can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
