Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
