feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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