it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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