My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
