That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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