hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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