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i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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