my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
