I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
we should paint friendship bongs
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