Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
