I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
