i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
