i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
