My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
