I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
