well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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