so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
