My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize