he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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