I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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