pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
