i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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