I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you bring me the toilet please
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
