He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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