This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
