last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
