Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
