Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
