know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
