even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
