Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
