Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
