I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
