I think I died a long time ago.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
