if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
