I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
